An Open Letter To the Mother-In-Law I Never Met

August 25, 2016August 25, 2016 | mattkarr

Dear Momma Deb,

How does a person begin to express their thanks to someone who has impacted their life in a profound way, but has no way of communicating with? Many people are inspired by celebrities they will never meet, historical figures who motivate masses, or trail blazers who lead society into the future. I, however, am inspired, and motivated, and enthusiastic about the future due in part to the mark you left on this world when you were in it.

You had been gone 4 years before I even knew you ever existed. When your oldest son and I met, our connection was electric and instantaneous. His story telling was engaging, his love for his family strong, and his sense of humor was a force to be reckoned with. The more stories I heard about you, the more I began to put the pieces together of who Tommy was as a person.

When your son moved to Brooklyn, we had only been dating a few months. We spent the first day in his new and furniture void apartment eating Applebees on the floor, and watching the Lucille Ball inspired video you made for your sister Judy’s birthday on a laptop computer. It was the only time I would see you alive, speaking, acting, and celebrating your true passion: your family. That fall we traveled to Pigeon Forge and visited your grave stone, where Tommy set up a display that you would have loved, to celebrate your favorite holiday, Halloween. The view from the hill top is breathtaking.

At our wedding, we displayed your photo with other family members who were no longer with us and wore yellow roses on our lapels, as we knew they were your favorite flower. You were as much a part of that day as we were, and we could feel your blessing and love upon us.

If I could talk to you even for a moment, I would want you to know that your son is incredibly inspiring, talented, loving and loved, accepted, and has been welcomed into my family with open arms. My mom refers to us as “her boys”, and I only wish that you two would have had the chance to sit around a table, and honestly….gang up against us! Most of all, I would say Thank You. Thank you for never conforming to societies “normalities”. Thank you for inspiring creativity and passion into all of your kids. Thank you for always having a sense of humor, even when the circumstances were dark and times hard. Thank you thank you thank you.

Tommy has always said that we would have gotten along famously, and it’s the love and passion that I see from him everyday, that you inspired, that prove to me he’s right.

Thank you for being the person you were, for the joy and life you brought to those around you, and for the inspiration you still provide us even eight years after you’ve left this world. Sometimes when it’s late at night, I’ll grab the book Tommy made of your life displayed on our bookshelf and sit alone, flipping through the pages, always finding comfort in the old photos and captions recorded between its covers. It may seem silly, but I can feel you watching over us, guiding us when we wander off our path, or encouraging us to blaze a new one.

You always lived for fun, and spread joy.

I love you Momma Deb,

Your Son-In-Law Matt

Discovering Charlotte: Skyview Dentistry

February 17, 2016February 17, 2016 | mattkarr

I have always said that I love to share the things I love with the ones I love, but that belief doesn’t just go for LL Bean Boots, Restaurants, and Elnett, but also for the personal services we need like dentists, tailors, or distilleries. Hey, I’m nothing if not honest!

I think it’s safe to say that I may be the most knowledgeable civilian (non-trained dental person) when it comes to dental procedures. From a young age I served as #1 klutz and fell and broke different teeth including my front chomper, which led me to look like Jim Carrey in Dumb and Dumber, with the haircut to match. Countless root canals, crowns, 2 rounds of braces (metal and Invisalign) and more procedures that I can hardly remember or try to spell, I know the importance of having a great dentist.

Now, I’ve heard nasty rumors that people are afraid to go to the dentist. I’m not sure who those people have been going to, but I’m here to tell you that is a farce as old as the x-ray techniques dentists used in the 90’s.

Upon moving to Charlotte there were so many personal ducks to get in a row and services to locate. Where was the nearest brewery? How do I find a job? What time is the brewery open until? You know, the basics. I was still mourning the loss of my dentist in NYC (he didn’t die, I just moved), and I wasn’t ready to put myself back in murky waters of finding a replacement.

Well, it seems my mouth had different plans (as it always does….and which has gotten me into trouble in the past) and an abscess formed above one of my teeth. At first, I toughed it out cuz I’m a manly man from the mid-west (insert laugh track here), but one week later the swelling has started to increase and I felt like I was sneaking more ibuprofen than I felt comfortable admitting to. After a bad dentist recommendation from a doctor (my husband said his website was NOT up to par) we/he found Skyview Dentistry. When I heard it was on the top floor of Epicentre in Uptown, I was sold. I’m such a sucker for a good view.

I just walked out of my second appointment at Skyview and it was even better than the first. Everything about their office is modern, tech savvy, and new, from the dental equipment to the entertainment. Yea, I said ENTERTAINMENT…..at a dentist office! X-rays are done with a hand-held device and take half the time. Images are immediately broadcast on an adjustable flat screen tv that hangs above you and also doubles as portal for Netflix delivery. Bose headphones eliminate any noise that may be coming from the dentistry tools (although I doubt there is much since these tools are so advanced). Dr. Byrd herself did my cleaning and I never had to spit once. This may not seem like a big deal, but think about it, have you had one cleaning where you didn’t have to sit up, spit, sit down, sit up, spit, sit down, at least 3 times? If you haven’t, you need to get to the dentist ASAP because you obviously have never been to one.

My cleaning took less than 1 episode of American Dad (lucky I’ve seen each one already!) and I was outta there. If somehow you are the most stubborn person alive and you aren’t convinced yet to give Skyview a try, let me/them sweeten the deal. Your cleaning also comes with a free teeth whitening! Damn, you may think it sounds too good to be true, but that’s only because your past dentists have led you to believe that the dentist is a scary and painful place to visit, but Everyone at Skyview Dentistry is here to change (and blow) your mind. Tell ’em Matt sent ya!

Live for fun, Spread Joy, and go get your 6 month cleaning!!

Personal Gift Registry?

January 7, 2016 | mattkarr

I find great joy in giving gifts to people. I actually like giving gifts more than receiving them. In these busy days of email and emoticons, unless it is a gathering with the word “shower” in it, people have given up the art of gift giving. It may just be my experience though. I think in New York because everyone is busy, and we’re all poor and working 24/7, it seems to have become some sort of unofficial silent agreement that because life is hard for all of us, showing up to a place is the most I could ever ask from you. Just getting any amount of people over 2, together in one spot, and at one time, can be a tremendous feat.

So let me start to get to the point (something I attempt to do multiples times, in the same conversation, on a regular basis). When I got engaged, one of the more traditional aspects of our wedding was that we created a couple of gift registries at all the true royalty of the MidWest wedding world: Bed Bath and Beyond, Macy’s, and (our only modern twist) Amazon.com. At first I was opposed to having a registry because I felt uncomfortable asking people to buy me things and implying that they should. Sometimes very expensive things. 75% of our wedding attendants came from out of town and were dropping some major cheddar to be in New York to celebrate with us. I wasn’t going to throw a $300 Roomba to use in my 250 sq. ft. apartment on top as an obligation (although in full disclosure, we did have one on our registry. You know, as a group gift option!).

My opinion started to change one day while sitting out on the balcony (hers, not ours) with our dear friend Robyn. We were discussing the pros and cons of having a registry and I was laying out a defense stronger than a corset at The Met, when she simply said (*paraphrasing*) “If you don’t know what to get someone, you turn to their registry”. As she always does, Robyn had made a simple idea make sense to a knucklehead like myself and it snapped into my perspective: The only thing I disliked more than asking for gifts, is know that I’m potentially adding stress and anxiety to any person who may want to purchase me a gift. We had two registries set up by the stroke of midnight.

A few weeks later, Tommy and I had just completed a weekend of dog sitting when a package from Amazon arrived at my office. Inside was the amazing (and totally on our registry) 2 piece stone wear set from the Rachel Ray collection. Inside the note said (*paraphrasing*) “Thank you for taking such great care of Zooey!” Our friend Carrie had purchased something off our wedding registry to thank us for watching her dog Zooey.

Carrie didn’t know that I wanted these Bubble and Brown, 1.25 quart and 2.25 quart baking dishes in dark blue because I told her while we grabbed a long lunch at Chipotle on 28th st. She knew only because of this magic list I put out into the atmosphere that people could just gift me with. I thought of all the times I have caught myself not knowing what to get someone for Christmas or their birthday. What do they want? What do they need? Half the time, its a friend of a friend that I know from hanging out at the same apartment all summer and you don’t even know their last name. How am I going to know what is an appropriate gift to give when I don’t even know which borough you live in? If everyone had their own personal registry, we could save ourselves the stress and anxiety and start giving gifts for any and all occasions with ease. You threw a dinner party and I saw you want a spiral slicer? Bam! Here’s that spiral slicer. You took better care of my plants while I was out of town than I do when I’m home? Bam! Here’s those inspirational hand towels for your kitchen. Bam. Bam! BAM! Give the people what they want!

And so now I have come to my point (I promised we’d get here eventually): Maybe it is a great idea for all of us to have our own personal gift registry. The proper subtitle could be “It’s not selfish, it’s helpful!”

Live For Fun, Spread Joy, Give Gifts (and write letters!)

PS. Those dishes come in handy…a lot!

Hello Charlotte!

January 6, 2016January 6, 2016 | mattkarr

Woops! It seems that I may have bitten off more than I could chew in May, pushing myself to share a series of NYC memories for each of my last days in Brooklyn, while also planning a wedding, and preparing a semi-cross country move (hey it was over 10 hrs), all while closing things out with the company you had worked for over the last 3 years and saying goodbye to all my dear friends. I mean, I got to day 8, which is a pretty decent run for me! One day I’m sure I’ll go back and fill in the rest.

And so we (I) move forward. 2016 has officially kicked off and I’m already feeling good vibes about the upcoming year. We’ve been living in Charlotte, North Carolina for about seven months and married for about seven months and 5 days. The Queen City is everything that we had hoped it would be. Access to theater, dog friendly activities, space, windows, a dishwasher are all top of our favorites. Of course it is no New York, nothing will ever be New York, but I can tell you that I have never seen cleaner streets before.

Moving to Southend as the daily temperature reached 100 degrees for 3 months straight, we had no choice but to head outside, hiking at Lake Norman (Trixie was the most out of shape) and attending the Cultural Feast in Uptown. Over the holidays we had our family down which gave us the opportunity to show them the city. New Years Day, our best man came into town and we got to show him an entirely different side of the city. From Discovery Place with our nephew one day to the Bar at 316 for a drag show (not with our nephew) the next, we offer tours of all varieties to our guests. With time off work, it was great to get to spend some solid quality time together. We also all slept in our 1br apartment. Charlie-and-the-Chocolate-factory family style. Sort of looked like this:

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory — CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY, directed by Sam Mendes – Theatre Royal – See the whole article: https://www.psychologies.co.uk/mother%E2%80%99s-day-what-charlie-and-chocolate-factory-taught-me

Now its just back to us and we are hunkering down for the “rough” winter ahead. I mean, at some point they are going to have to close the pool, right? If you ask me, not that you did, I would say yesterday was the first official day of winter. The combination of clear blue skies, freezing temperatures, and unpredictable and brisk gusts of wind are a clear sign that Im going to get more use out of my sweaters than I had thought when we moved south. Fine by me, I just finally attained a semi decent collection!

If you are in Charlotte this weekend and looking for some fun, check out the brand new REID’S located outside of South Park Mall. They are having their Grand Opening and celebrating with a free oyster roast and samplings of their amazing brews and wines.

Wherever you may be, I hope you are protected from the cold, laughing constantly, and looking into 2016 with excitement.

Live for Fun, Spread Joy!

30 DAYS OF NYC MEMORIES – DAY 8: ROCKIN ROLLER SK8N 30th BDAY PARTY

May 7, 2015May 7, 2015 | mattkarr

Today is my Birthday and I am 31 years old. You heard that right! THIRTY-FREAKING-ONE!

I always say that I am looking forward to being 35. I’m in no rush to get there of course, but I just feel that’s when I will look and feel my best. I’m not a big fan of throwing big events to celebrate the day of my birth, and I feel that my parents should be the ones celebrated since they did all the work! I much prefer to casually meet with different friends throughout the weekend/week/month/year/etc than have some big brouhaha where I barely get to speak to anyone. I love to reflect on the years that have passed and where this life journey has brought me so far.

This years birthday is particularly special as this upcoming year is going to bring about lots of change. Moving to a new city and getting married are of course at the top of the list when it comes to major changes, but I’m also excited for the little and subtle changes: From meeting new friends and exploring what Charlotte has to offer to driving through the smokey mountains and visiting one of my favorite places on earth, Dollywood. It will all be a new adventure and I couldn’t be more excited!

So now, enough of the present and lets get to the past! Last year, for the big 3-0, Tommy managed to throw me a surprise party like nothing I could have ever expected. Under the guise of dinner with our friend Carrie at the restaurant owned by “Big Ang” (of Mob Wives fame) I gave up control and allowed them to transport me to…..wait for it………Staten Island. As we pulled through what looked like the sketchiest place in America, we turned a corner and I saw no restaurant, but a large glowing sign that said “ROLLER SKATING RINK”.

Now, this should have been something that thrilled me. SHOULD have been. But I was not pleased.

I should first explain myself: I was a competitive roller skater for 10 years. I have been talking about going skating for probably the last 4 and still have my skates from when I competing. We are FINALLY at a roller rink and Tommy couldn’t even tell me so I could bring my professional skates and is going to make me WEAR RENTALS?! AHHHH! Not to mention I was in completely the wrong outfit. So. Gay.

Ok ok, I’m a liiiiittle dramatic sometimes! Sue me. No, wait, don’t.

So I enter the rink with Tommy and Carrie and our friend Lindsey telling myself “Matt, get over it and make the best of it”. I get my (sigh) rentals and immediately miss the ankle support. I get up, embarrassingly a little shaky at first for a 4 time national champion (blame the skates), and I start to skate towards the main rink area. As I glide forward, I notice a party set up to the left in the corner. “Wow, that’s cool that you can get food and rent this place for parties” I thought to myself, which is funny because growing up at the skating rink, there were always parties going down.

I glance over at the lucky party goers and realize that I know some of those people. WAIT, I KNOW ALL OF THOSE PEOPLE! WHAT IN THE HELL IS GOING ON?!

And then I got what was really going on and any sort of ego concerns about wearing rentals went right out of my head. Tommy then tells me “We have food and there is a full bar”. Oh damn, he really is the man of my freaking dreams.

The evening was full of skating, food, and friends, and I was overwhelmed by fact that people trekked all the way out to Staten Island to be there. At the head of this amazing event, was my soon to be Husband Tommy, who knows me so well he knew the perfect party to throw me and made it a surprised because he also knew me well enough to know I would think it was too much. It’s a memory, and a birthday, I will never forget.

As the evening went on, a woman skated right up to me and said “I love your pants and I love your enthusiasm!” #WIN

The entire family was recovering for days.

Live For Fun, Spread Joy, Enjoy Surprises and Celebrate Birthdays!

30 DAYS OF NYC MEMORIES – DAY 7: BROADWAY IN THE STREETS

May 6, 2015 | mattkarr

After a long summer in the city, the heat begins to subside and Broadway artists emerge from their dark ice cold theatres to gather smack dab in the middle of Times Square to give a free concert to the public. Thousands of people fill into the crossroads of the world (can we still call it that since half of it is a pedestrian zone now?) to listen to some of the best Broadway Theatre has to currently offer, preview new shows coming to the Great White Way, and see some “Broadway-friendly” celebrities.

I find something magical about the concept of taking typically indoor events and putting them outside, surrounded by the sights and sound of the city you live in. Watching a Broadway show in a theatre gives you that controlled environment that theatre requires, but singing along to New York New York in the middle of Times Square? Priceless!

Each year The Broadway League would host Broadway on Broadway. Although the discontinued the event in 2013, I hope that they will bring it back soon, as it is one of the best opportunities to bring Broadway entertainment direct to the street of NYC. I went with Tommy and Kim, Tommy getting VIP access to sit on the famous Red Steps of Times Square.

Amazing weather, amazing entertainment, and amazing friends = Good Life in NYC

Live for Fun, Spread Joy, Get Outside!

30 DAYS OF NYC MEMORIES – DAY 6: CINCO DE MAYO ON WALL STREET

May 5, 2015 | mattkarr

After finishing an out of town gig, I found myself back in NYC, unemployed and desperate to find work, hitting up every temp agency in NYC I could take a typing test for. Finally, one of the companies came though and landed me a temp gig at the New York Stock Exchange.

I was hired at the Exchange to spend 6 weeks doing data entry. It was life’s purpose at that time to take all of the product orders for companies that NYSE had purchased and have them entered into their unique billing. I can’t remember just how many legal pages of entries it was, but it was enough that when I finished the assignment in 2.5 days instead of 6 weeks, the big bosses took immediate notice of this lowly “temp”.

Suffice to say, they enjoyed having me around and my ability to complete tasks quickly, so they extended me past 6 weeks. Then again to 3 mos, and before I knew it, I had been there an entire year.

The Stock Exchange is a cool place to work. The work I was doing may not have been the most flashy, but the happenings day in and day out in that historic building were fascinating and entertaining! Each day would bring in a different company that was going public, or a celebrity promoting a new movie. I can’t even count the amount of free food, promotional gifts, and special events that happened over my time there. For example, one day there was a live fashion show, and the next a Cinco De Mayo party. You heard that right, Cinco De Mayo!

When it comes to parties, the best thing you can do is have good sponsors, or in the case of NYSE, good clients. When a holiday like the 5th of May rolls around, the true professionals step forward. Corona came in and threw a huge celebration for the entire company. Corona and Corona Light, Chips and Salsa, Guacamole, and live music were all supplied for the festivities along with some cool swag (Corona Maracas anyone?).I enjoyed between 1 and 5 Coronas (ok it was 5), at my work, for free. #GreatDay

Live For Fun, Spread Joy, Enjoy the Perks of Work!

Happy Cinco de Mayo!

30 DAYS OF NYC MEMORIES – DAY 5: THE BABY FORMULA GUY

May 5, 2015 | mattkarr

When you spend as much time on the streets as I do (har har), you meet some interesting people. Some of those people will ask you for money, or food, or money. You get used to it, and its all part of living the “city life”. Sometimes though, there are those individuals that you see over and over and over AND OVER again, constantly trying to hit you up.

The man who holds the record for the most times stopping me is without a doubt a gentleman I call The Baby Formula Guy (TBFG). I first met him when Tommy and I were looking for an apartment. We were looking in the same neighborhood that we currently lived in and were quickly walking, trying to catch a bus to another showing. He grabbed my attention (never make eye contact) and sped up to walk with us. He tried to introduce himself and began to tell us about his hungry baby that needed formula. He didn’t “want any money”, but if I would go to a supermarket or bodega and buy it for him, he would be oh so grateful. Well, the story was really convincing, but at that point, we were literally running for the bus and I didn’t have the time, or cash, to give this guy. As we separated, he called me out for being a cold hearted person who wouldn’t help a baby out.

The thought of that man’s accusations haunted me for the rest of the day. Was I a baby hater? Surely there was nothing suspect about a father needed formula for his child, so I was wrong to suspect anything, right? Oh sweet and unsuspecting Matt, you sentimental old fool!

It turns out, you can use baby formula for much more than nourishing babies. I found the two following scams are the most common:

1) They take the formula back to the store and sell it back, splitting the money with the store clerk (this stuff aint cheap!)

2) Use the formula to cut heroine. Seriously, that’s the second option.

I was so happy that I wasn’t a baby killer, but also pissed that this man had actually made me feel that I might actually be one, just to get some money off of me.

If this guy had approached once, fine. However, this dude stopped me at least another 20 times over the course of the next year, many times when I was out walking with Trixie. Sometimes he was asking again for Baby Formula, other times it was a sandwich, and other times he just straight up wanted cash. I knew by this point I was being played.

One time he asked for baby formula but was carrying two cigarettes and a cell phone. I told him that if he went to the bodega, they would buy those cigarettes from him, so he could have the money to buy the baby formula. He didn’t like that I would question his purchases while he asked for my money, so I was quickly on my way when he turned angry. I always feel safer with Trixie at the end of the leash. Not because she is protective, but because she LOOKS protective.

The funny part is that every time the guy stopped me, he would have absolutely no idea who I was. He was now trying to hit me up for money at least 4 times a month, but never showed the slightest sign of recognition. I suspect that it was because of drugs he may have been on. It was only this past month when he stopped me to ask me for money and then followed up with “You’re the guy that wears colorful shorts in the summer aren’t you?” But even then, he wasn’t even sure.

Who said nobody notices what you wear?? I took that as a compliment!

I could never bring myself to give him money. At some point I thought perhaps his persistence should be rewarded, but I stopped myself. This man was obviously being deceitful, and that sort of behavior should not be rewarded when there are so many causes proven to be doing good things with your donations.

One day, but not anytime soon, I will be able to keep myself from shuddering when I hear the simple statement: “Can I ask you a question?”.

Live for Fun, Spread Joy, Be Smart with Your Money!

30 Days Of NYC Memories – Day 4: Crown Access: Statue of Liberty

May 4, 2015May 5, 2015 | mattkarr

Over the past 7 years I have taken a boat around the Statue of Liberty more times than I can count. Why pay to go to the island when you can jump on the Staten Island Ferry for free and get great photo ops? Well, I found out the reason the cough up the dough to go to the island was for the opportunity to climb to the top of the crown and take in the view as only Lady Liberty sees it.

Following September 11th, the island and statue were closed down immediately and remained closed for most of the rest of the year. The island opened back up, but it was 12 years later before the Statue would welcome the public. On July 4, 2013, you could begin purchasing tickets for the crown. Buying our tickets that day, the earliest time we would be able to go was in October 2013. And we did!

It was a beautiful October day when we rode the boat over to Liberty Island. Once inside the pedestal you go through the museum of the statue which holds the original torch. As you make your way upstairs, you eventually find yourself inside of her feet, looking through a glass ceiling to the metal beams and supports that keep her standing tall. We gave our tickets to the security guard and started up the stairs, double-helix set of steps no wider than my body, which a short ceiling. As you climb up the steps, you can see the contours of the metal, just as they look from the outside. Then you get to a height and can make out the inside of her nose, eyes, and mouth. As you reach the top, you step into her head, the lines of her hair visible from below. Looking out the windows in her crown is an unimaginable view.