Dear Momma Deb,

How does a person begin to express their thanks to someone who has impacted their life in a profound way, but has no way of communicating with? Many people are inspired by celebrities they will never meet, historical figures who motivate masses, or trail blazers who lead society into the future. I, however, am inspired, and motivated, and enthusiastic about the future due in part to the mark you left on this world when you were in it.

You had been gone 4 years before I even knew you ever existed. When your oldest son and I met, our connection was electric and instantaneous. His story telling was engaging, his love for his family strong, and his sense of humor was a force to be reckoned with. The more stories I heard about you, the more I began to put the pieces together of who Tommy was as a person.

When your son moved to Brooklyn, we had only been dating a few months. We spent the first day in his new and furniture void apartment eating Applebees on the floor, and watching the Lucille Ball inspired video you made for your sister Judy’s birthday on a laptop computer. It was the only time I would see you alive, speaking, acting, and celebrating your true passion: your family. That fall we traveled to Pigeon Forge and visited your grave stone, where Tommy set up a display that you would have loved, to celebrate your favorite holiday, Halloween. The view from the hill top is breathtaking.

At our wedding, we displayed your photo with other family members who were no longer with us and wore yellow roses on our lapels, as we knew they were your favorite flower. You were as much a part of that day as we were, and we could feel your blessing and love upon us.

If I could talk to you even for a moment, I would want you to know that your son is incredibly inspiring, talented, loving and loved, accepted, and has been welcomed into my family with open arms. My mom refers to us as “her boys”, and I only wish that you two would have had the chance to sit around a table, and honestly….gang up against us! Most of all, I would say Thank You. Thank you for never conforming to societies “normalities”. Thank you for inspiring creativity and passion into all of your kids. Thank you for always having a sense of humor, even when the circumstances were dark and times hard. Thank you thank you thank you.

Tommy has always said that we would have gotten along famously, and it’s the love and passion that I see from him everyday, that you inspired, that prove to me he’s right.

Thank you for being the person you were, for the joy and life you brought to those around you, and for the inspiration you still provide us even eight years after you’ve left this world.  Sometimes when it’s late at night, I’ll grab the book Tommy made of your life displayed on our bookshelf and sit alone, flipping through the pages, always finding comfort in the old photos and captions recorded between its covers. It may seem silly, but I can feel you watching over us, guiding us when we wander off our path, or encouraging us to blaze a new one.

You always lived for fun, and spread joy.

I love you Momma Deb,

Your Son-In-Law Matt